Great Salespeople Don’t Lie
What you are about to read is a series of facts. Undeniable, irrefutable FACTS.
- On Monday, I sent a free brick to Mat Zucker, Executive Creative Director of OgilvyOne Worldwide. I named this brick David.
- Accompanying that brick was a video claiming that David would inspire Mat to new professional heights.
- 24 hours later, OgilvyOne Worldwide was named by Nestle Confections & Snacks as its digital and CRM agency of record for the WONKA® brand. (click here to read the press release)
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what makes one the World's Greatest Salesperson. I'm no peddler of cheap half-truths. I gave Mat my word that David would bring him success, and David delivered. Plus, Mat's bound to get some free candy out of the deal. That's a perk even I didn't expect.
Forget golden tickets. Bricks are the real key to making your dreams come true.
At this point, it would be foolish of me not to mention that you can purchase a brick just like David on this very website. What life-changing achievements will your brick inspire? There's only one way to find out! Buy your brick today!
Ogilvy: Infiltrated!
I'm on the inside, people.
See the photo below for proof that I've successfully infiltrated Ogilvy's New York headquarters, and further evidence that bricks are inherently awesome. The way I see it, I had no chance of getting an audience with Executive Creative Director Mat Zucker (not yet). But a simple red brick managed to get the job done...and score a photo op, no less!
OgilvyOne Worldwide Executive Creative Director Mat Zucker and David the Brick
Mat Zucker, I Want To Be Your Brick Dealer
In my pursuit of Ogilvy's recognition that I am the World's Greatest Salesperson, I've pulled out all the stops. I've used humor. I've tried to be clever. I've pushed the limits of brick-related absurdity, by pitching bricks to pigs and pimping blonde bricks to red ones. But you know what? Screw all that. I want my free trip to Cannes, and I'm done beating around the bush. I need to sell a brick to a real live person, and I don't mean just anybody - I'm on the hunt to sell a brick to Mat Zucker, Executive Creative Director for OgilvyOne Worldwide and creator of the Search for the World's Greatest Salesperson contest.
But this is old news to Mr. Zucker. I announced my intentions via tweet a few days ago, to which Zucker coyly replied "excellent. looking forward to it." And just hours ago, I countered back by sending a bike messenger to the man's office with a package containing:
- A single red brick that may or may not contain the ghost of David Ogilvy.
- A DVD of my fifth Brick is the New Black video, "Mat Zucker, I Want To Be Your Brick Dealer."
YouTube is great for reaching the masses, but if you were the World's Greatest Salesperson, you'd know that sometimes a direct and personal appeal is just what the doctor ordered. And I've got the prescription for what's ailing you, Mat: bricks. Or to make more sense of this particular metaphor, I'm the pharmacist who can keep you in steady supply. All of which is to say: I look forward to speaking with you soon, Mr. Zucker. Enjoy that free brick.
Go Forward. Move Ahead.
Oh, man, did I have one great idea for a video. Remember "Whip It" by Devo? Well, I was going to edit the song's iconic music video so that they were saying "brick it" instead, insert a few bricks into the frame, and Presto! Instant contest-winning video gold! And quite frankly, the video might make more sense that way...it's pretty weird. Also, I should mention that Devo has a history of serving as the lynchpin of successful media campaigns. Seriously: this was an awesome idea.
Trouble is, I'm just one guy with a laptop and a dream, and it takes time to successfully pull off that kick-ass idea. What's worse, I wouldn't be able to submit it as a contest entry because I clearly don't have the rights to use Devo's music and video. There are only 10 days left in this thing, and I can't afford to waste too much time. But it was too good to just let go, so Ogilvy, I'm pleased to present you with this image that can serve as a monument to my unrealized great idea, and will help convince Devo to join the revolution once I win this thing and have all the clout that comes with a free trip to Cannes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but the energy dome was just begging to receive the brick treatment...
Fourth Video: “Hey Pigs”
I know I can come off cocky on this website, spouting off at the mouth (keyboard?) about how I am the World's Greatest Salesperson. But in the words of the great Muhammad Ali, "it ain't bragging if you can back it up." And friends, this newest video floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee.
See, I've been watching the competition closely, and while there are surely some worthy competitors out there (my personal favorite at the moment comes from YouTube user bbaunach, who I've communicated with and who seems friendly and talented), I couldn't help but notice that nobody had bothered to cater their video to an audience that sorely needs a good, dedicated brick dealer: pigs.
Any kindergartner can tell you that bricks are the best protection a pig can get when it comes to Big Bad Wolf prevention. And even today, with swine facing dangers far greater than a canine with a strong set of lungs, a good brick is still the modern pig's best friend. And this fourth video in the Brick is the New Black campaign addresses its target market directly, utilizing fear to drive home the message that bricks are the key to staying safe in an increasingly dangerous world. Enjoy...
