Here Come The Judges

So the deadline for entries has come and gone, and I'm eagerly awaiting word on whether or not I'll be chosen as one of up to fifteen potential finalists. That's supposed to happen by the end of this week, and while lesser salespeople might use these few days to cool their heels, I am the World's Greatest Salesperson, so I'm going use them as an opportunity to tenaciously pursue my goal.

I was doing a little web research today, and I found an article that lists the judging panel who is hard at work this very moment, no doubt comparing me favorably to the other contestants.

Since I know that each of these highly qualified and devastatingly good looking individuals are regular visitors to this site, I thought I'd take a moment to address each of them directly in an effort to help them make their choice. Here we go...

Jerry Wilson, Chief Commercial Officer, Coca-Cola: Mr. Wilson, squeezing this contest into my busy schedule took a lot of work, and more than a little caffeine, usually in the form of a Coke. You might say that the Brick is the New Black campaign was brought to you by Coca-Cola, which kinda makes you my sponsor...and as my sponsor, you should really be rooting for me. It's only right.

Bill Ogle, CMO, Motorola: Mr. Ogle, I'd like to direct your attention to my second video, "Attention Disenfranchised Extremists," in which a brick bests a Samsung phone. One might be tempted to think that the destruction of your competitor's product is just a coincidence, but I'd urge you to consider that my little video is subtly tilting the viewer's loyalties in Motorola's direction. Pretty tricky, eh?

Geoff Dodge, SVP, Salesforce.com: The tone of my fourth video, "Hey Pigs," changes dramatically when a brick emerges through a bank of clouds. I don't need to tell you that this alludes to the power of cloud computing - and specifically SalesForce - to help make our lives easier.

Buell Duncan, VP of Marketing, IBM Software: Please consider: I learned to type on an IBM typewriter. I learned to love computing using an IBM PS/2 computer. And I'm fairly certain that some sort of IBM technology is powering the server delivering this website to your screen right now. All of which is to say: I'm a loyal customer, Mr. Duncan. And the customer is always right...right?

Ed Kaczmarek, Director of Innovation, Consumer Experiences, Kraft Foods:Mr. Kaczmarek, first let me say that I'm in awe of your job title. But beyond that, you should know that I had a fantastic consumer experience on kraftrecipes.com looking for recipes that will incorporate the case of hot sauce I'm going to owe Mr. Sutherland (see below). I'll be sure to make enough for the three of us to enjoy.

Vincent Young, Co-founder, RetailLeverage.com: Mr. Young, I like your blog, specifically because I consider myself to be a bit of a "challenger brand" when it comes to this competition. And you know what would give me some serious street cred and - dare I say it - leverage? Your vote. Let's make it happen together!

Erin Foster, Director, Worldwide Sports and Entertainment Marketing, Eastman Kodak Company: Ms. Foster, I watched the "How I Met Your Mother" session you participated in at this year's Consumer Electronics Show. What struck me most from your many insightful comments was that as a woman, you need time-saving innovation in the products you buy. Along those lines, might I suggest you just name me the winner today? Boom - I just saved you hours, if not days!

Carol Krol, Editor-in-Chief, DM News: Ms. Krol, I've been perusing your editorials and blog posts on DMNews.com, and I loved the post "Did I mention we're in the news and information business?" It was ballsy, fearless, and inspiring. Truthfully, I'm a little afraid of your honest opinion after reading it. But I'm asking for your vote anyway. At the very least, I promise to reply to any requests you may have quickly, and without utilizing stall tactics. That's bound to count for something, right?

Rory Sutherland, Vice Chairman, Ogilvy Group UK: Mr. Sutherland, I was devastated to learn that you were the victim of identity theft in 1996, when you innocently purchased some chili sauce online. (And no, I'm not making that up.) I'm going on record here that I will personally deliver a whole case of chili sauce to you in Cannes, should I be fortunate enough to meet you there. I offer this not as a bribe (good heavens!), but rather as a symbol of the red-hot ad campaigns we will craft as future collaborators.

Gustavo Martinez, Global New Business Director, Ogilvy & Mather: Mr. Martinez, in your Ogilvy bio, you say that you enjoy working with passionate people. I'm willing to accept that my pursuit of victory in this contest may be a bit obsessive, but nobody can accuse it of lacking passion. Make me a potential finalist, and you'll only see that passion grow.

Mat Zucker, Executive Creative Director, OgilvyOne New York: Mat, is this even necessary? One of my videos was addressed to you personally - and that free brick I sent you is already working wonders for you and your team. I follow you on Twitter, Mat. I don't even follow my brother on Twitter (true story). We're practically BFFs, dude.

Marie-Claire Barker, Chief Talent Officer, Ogilvy & Mather: Ms. Baker, your YouTube video was part of the reason I entered this contest. Sure, the promo videos that featured actors were funny and clever, but your down-to-earth and forthright description of Ogilvy's core values really got me excited about the possibility of collaborating with Ogilvy, should I win.

So, judges - it's all up to you now. I trust you'll do the right thing, and I hope to hear from you soon.

XOXO,

Jason Schroeder, World's Greatest Salesperson

Lucky Video #7: “Brickroll’d”

Well, there are a scant 8 hours left to submit new videos to the Search for the World's Greatest Salesperson. I've still got a few ideas floating around, and there are some unfinished drafts on my computer of videos that never got off the ground, but there is a likelihood that this seventh video will be my last submission. And it might not even count as an official entry because of the copyrighted material I used.

But you know what? I don't mind. This one might just be my favorite, admissible or not.

If you use the internet enough that you've stumbled across my weird little site, then the odds are pretty good you've been Rickroll'd at some point in the last few years. It's hard to describe exactly what it means to be Rickroll'd, but it's an experience that's hard to forget. And I like the idea of providing my customers with unforgettable experiences, so in an effort to take Brick is the New Black viral, I'm pleased to present the seventh (and possibly final) campaign video, "Brickroll'd."

 

Oh, and while I've almost certainly broken some sort of law by uploading this video, at least I can give credit where it's due: The mashup of Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" was created by DJ Morgoth. I don't know who who combined the music videos - it's been posted and reposted so many times by now that it's hard to know for sure. I downloaded it from YouTube user Gazz Edwards using KeepVid.

My Website is Real.

Ogilvy, I don't mean to speak ill of any of my competitors - they're working hard like me to sell one red brick and get themselves to Cannes. It's damned respectable. But I can't help but notice as I watch entry after entry that a number of these contestants urge viewers to call 1-800 numbers or visit websites that, well, don't exist.

Clearly, since you're reading this, you can see that my website is real. But more importantly, Ogilvy, I want you to know that I would never mislead you. I respect you and my customers way too much to pull any shenanigans with a fake website.

The site's real, I'm real, you can really purchase a brick here, and my deep desire to frolic on the French Riviera with my new best buddies from Ogilvy is absolutely 100% real. Just something to keep in mind as you begin the judging process.

Wish I’d Thought of This…

Blurg! I hate to admit it, but it seems I've got some competition - and I'm not referring to any of the people who are submitting videos to this contest (though the number of entries has grown considerably in the last few days). The internet seems to be slightly abuzz today over Alec Brownstein, a copywriter and director who landed himself a job with Ogilvy competitor Young & Rubicam by dropping a measly six bucks on some carefully selected Google AdWords. It's a pretty nifty bit of salesmanship, and Brownstein even created a YouTube video illustrating his unique job-hunting process. Take a look:

In all seriousness, I salute Mr. Brownstein for his ingenuity. I imagine this is probably how MacGyver would have broken into the ad world, and heaven knows we can all use a little more MacGyvering. Oh, damn. That actually gives me a decent idea for a new brick video, and it's timely with the upcoming theatrical release of "MacGruber." Gotta run, folks. Only 48 hours left to make that one happen. I can already tell I'm not going to sleep this weekend...