Sixth Video: “Eskimos”
Much in the same way that doctors are constantly approached by strangers seeking free medical advice, people can't seem to resist asking me questions when they learn that I am the World's Greatest Salesperson. And after so many years of this, I've come to notice certain trends. Almost universally, the public seems to be curious about my ability to sell a certain product to a very specific consumer.
I'm speaking, of course, about selling snow to Eskimos.
Make no mistake - I could sell snow to Eskimos if I wanted to. But it should come as no surprise that I'd much rather spend my energy pitching a far superior product that no Eskimo should be without - bricks.
So put on your seal skin moccasins and cozy up to the computer screen, friends. in the spirit of cross-cultural salesmanship and good will, I'm pleased to present the sixth video in the Brick is the New Black campaign, "Eskimos."
Mat Zucker, I Want To Be Your Brick Dealer
In my pursuit of Ogilvy's recognition that I am the World's Greatest Salesperson, I've pulled out all the stops. I've used humor. I've tried to be clever. I've pushed the limits of brick-related absurdity, by pitching bricks to pigs and pimping blonde bricks to red ones. But you know what? Screw all that. I want my free trip to Cannes, and I'm done beating around the bush. I need to sell a brick to a real live person, and I don't mean just anybody - I'm on the hunt to sell a brick to Mat Zucker, Executive Creative Director for OgilvyOne Worldwide and creator of the Search for the World's Greatest Salesperson contest.
But this is old news to Mr. Zucker. I announced my intentions via tweet a few days ago, to which Zucker coyly replied "excellent. looking forward to it." And just hours ago, I countered back by sending a bike messenger to the man's office with a package containing:
- A single red brick that may or may not contain the ghost of David Ogilvy.
- A DVD of my fifth Brick is the New Black video, "Mat Zucker, I Want To Be Your Brick Dealer."
YouTube is great for reaching the masses, but if you were the World's Greatest Salesperson, you'd know that sometimes a direct and personal appeal is just what the doctor ordered. And I've got the prescription for what's ailing you, Mat: bricks. Or to make more sense of this particular metaphor, I'm the pharmacist who can keep you in steady supply. All of which is to say: I look forward to speaking with you soon, Mr. Zucker. Enjoy that free brick.
Fourth Video: “Hey Pigs”
I know I can come off cocky on this website, spouting off at the mouth (keyboard?) about how I am the World's Greatest Salesperson. But in the words of the great Muhammad Ali, "it ain't bragging if you can back it up." And friends, this newest video floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee.
See, I've been watching the competition closely, and while there are surely some worthy competitors out there (my personal favorite at the moment comes from YouTube user bbaunach, who I've communicated with and who seems friendly and talented), I couldn't help but notice that nobody had bothered to cater their video to an audience that sorely needs a good, dedicated brick dealer: pigs.
Any kindergartner can tell you that bricks are the best protection a pig can get when it comes to Big Bad Wolf prevention. And even today, with swine facing dangers far greater than a canine with a strong set of lungs, a good brick is still the modern pig's best friend. And this fourth video in the Brick is the New Black campaign addresses its target market directly, utilizing fear to drive home the message that bricks are the key to staying safe in an increasingly dangerous world. Enjoy...
Third Video Live: “Better Than Anything”
There's a lot to love about a red brick. A lot. But it's a competitive world, and it would be foolish of me to simply highlight a brick's strengths and ignore the simple truth that a red brick is better than just about anything else. And as we all know, the Brick is the New Black campaign is anything but foolish. (...shut up, you.)
So, without further ado, I am pleased to present the third video in the Brick is the New Black campaign, "Better Than Anything." Enjoy.
Video #2: “Attention Disenfranchised Extremists”
The second video in the Brick is the New Black ad campaign is like the best episodes of Law & Order: it's ripped from the headlines. In a slight departure from the silliness of my first video, I decided to buckle down and really focus on one specific goal set forth by Ogilvy in the contest brief: identifying my "target audience." And in these highly politicized times we live in, who needs a sturdy brick more than disenfranchised extremists? Nobody, that's who.
To quote blogger and former militiaman Mike Vanderboegh, as reported in the Washington Post: "To all modern Sons of Liberty: THIS is your time. Break their windows. Break them NOW." That's music to any brick salesman's ears.
Don't get me wrong, I really think these people should find more constructive ways of expressing their beliefs. But until then, they need bricks and I've got 'em. Look, it's not a question of if they buy bricks. It's a question of whose bricks they buy. Don't blame me - blame the law of supply and demand.
So put on your conspiracy cap and settle in for a wild ride. I proudly present Brick is the New Black Video #2, "Attention Disenfranchised Extremists!"
