I Was Born To Win This Contest

I swear, I couldn't make this up if I tried. It turns out I not only have the skills to win this contest, but I'm also extraordinarily well-bred for it. My father has worked in sales for more than three decades...and sure, that's not exactly uncommon. But get this: I recently discovered that my mother is a bona fide Brickonista. No kidding! And it would seem that this powerful parenting combo makes me some kind of brick-selling wunderkind. (And before you ask: yes, "Brickonista" is a real word. Inventing words is a perk you get when you're the World's Greatest Salesperson. It's a pretty awesome job.)

See, I was visiting my folks yesterday and updating them on the contest when my wife happened to notice that their house is littered with brick doorstops. I hadn't noticed it myself because my mother, Brickonista that she is, had creatively wrapped her bricks in handmade fabric jackets to match the look of the room they are in. And she's been doing this for years, people. YEARS.

Ogilvy, I've said it before: winning this contest is my destiny. And you simply can't fight destiny. Did you know my Mom's birthday is the week of the Cannes Lions Advertising Festival? A nice French knick-knack would really make her day, don't you think?

Take a hike, Martha Stewart. My Mom's the craftiest, and if anyone says otherwise, I'll whomp them with one of her fancy-lookin' bricks. Don't be fooled by the genteel exterior - these things really pack a punch.